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sabbatical

A Fresh Start

Sabbatical doesn’t start until Monday. However, I pushed my four day/10-hour-a-day work week into the beginning of this one, and now I am on weekend then sabbatical. So, technically completely off. 

I thought I would have a nice transition of a few days casually checking into the channels, but I think I needed this break more more than I realized. Thursday night came, and I was done. 

My colleagues are my friends as well, and I don’t have to miss them. We will still communicate on Telegram and through social medium’s, so I don’t need to mourn that loss.

I logged out of my Automattic Slack account and uninstalled the app on my phone. I put all my bookmarks in a hidden folder and created a new WordPress.com account for myself for my blog and added myself as an admin. Now when I get notifications, they won’t be work-related.

I might keep that happening in the future. You will notice a different username and Gravatar when I comment on your posts. This is a healthy thing.

My last week of work surprised me. I thought I would be chomping at the bit to have the week over. Instead, I felt a bit of sadness with all my “first of the lasts” — last Buddy Guild meeting, last team meeting, last schedule planning, last buddy training, last ticket, last chat, last Quick Start session, etc.

This will make it easier to come back to the job in Sept–knowing I had a hard time leaving and all.

While I was a bit sad over stopping work, I also see the value and am excited about it. Excitement made it difficult to sleep the last few days. So many mixed emotions. Yet the need for a break is real. I see that.

It seems I have started talking in my sleep again (on a funny note, that is how our son CJ was named–from a conversation I had in my sleep). Chris learned early in our marriage that when I talk, he can respond, and I keep the conversation going. Before we saw CJ’s sonogram, in my sleep I had said. “oooohhhh.” Chris responded with a “What?” and I said, “Look at our beautiful baby boy–Calvin James.” And there it was. We found out the child really was a boy, and the name grew on us…History. Anyway. I digress…..

According to Chris, one night in the last few days I was telling him how to move his mouse around the screen as if I were in a Quick Start session. He apparently kindly asked me if we could reschedule to the next day when I was awake, which I personally find hysterical. He is considerate and trying to pull me from work even during sleeping hours. How I love my man.

A night or so later it seems I told him that I would not unfriend him if he did not unfriend me. That was the night after I went from 950+ FB friends to around 300. I did the same on Instagram. I wasn’t angry. Just overwhelmed and narrowing things down. If I could contact someone in a group or elsewhere, I unfriended. Except in a few cases.

Perhaps I felt a bit bad about the cut if I’m dreaming about it. But I have to say in my awake hrs, I’m kind of appreciating it.

My neck has been hurting a lot for over a month now. I’ve had to stop exercising (I watch my dance classes instead of actually dancing), and even walking up or down a slight elevation puts me in agony for hours. I can’t really turn my head to the right without pain.

I think it’s a pinched nerve or something. But with lockdowns and stages and all, I can’t get an MRI to see what’s up so I can work on fixing it.

If something is torn or whatever, I don’t want to make it worse by stretching. If something is tight, I should stretch. I’m so thankful it’s not anything worse than a bit of pain and inconvenience. I just wish I knew the real issue so I can treat appropriately. These little things we take for granted in our first-world existence.

Now that I’m not in front of a computer, using multiple screens and constantly turning my head, I am already seeing a change. It’s a bit after 5 pm at the moment, and I have not taken Advil yet today. Usually I take two every 3.5 – 4 hrs.

I am in pain, but it’s not as bad as it has been. I’m trying to keep my head relatively straight for a day or two. Starting a Harry Potter marathon helps.

My goal this week is to forget about time and space. Empty myself. Find myself. It’s such a gift to have this opportunity, and now, two days in, I’m amazed at how stressed I still am.

My dreams are wild, and I can tell I’m subconsciously sorting. I hope whatever process I go through to find balance will carry on into my future when I return back to the job I love so much.

16 replies on “A Fresh Start”

Thanks. Tonia. I am hoping to see you soon. If you are into it.

Not yet – haven’t decided – I really want to travel so may defer till that can happen. I’m on telegram
– so let’s stay in touch

Thanks. It’s already doing a lot better. This is a good sign.

I think your wisdom far surpasses mine in this area, but what I needed was empty time and space to see what emerged. Part of me knew what I needed but I was too busy and my brain was too noisy to get the message. When I made room for quiet I knew the answer.

I recommend seeing a physio for the neck. I used to get neck problems but a physiotherapist fixed it. I guess you’ll have to wait for lockdown to end first. I also recommend a standing desk. My neck issues were due to sitting and I never have problems now with a standing desk and wobble chair.

Yes, I have to wait a bit for lockdown to be over. It’s getting a lot better already with time away from the computer. I have a hard time with my stand-up desk. When I concentrate, I don’t focus on standing properly so I ended up throwing my lower back out since I tend to lean to one side. When I stand now I try to use a Duvall-inspired flamingo stance and alternate legs to keep more centered.

So sorry about your pain!! Hope it subsides as your stress gets less! (BTW careful with a lot of Advil – I read it’s not good for the liver, taking too much. Or is that Tylenol? Or both? Yikes. Can you do a telemedicine call with your family doc, if you have one? You deserve a pain-free sabbatical!!

Talking in one’s sleep is also a stress symptom, I think. My bf used to do it almost every night when he first moved in with me here. Now, hardly ever. We never spoke to each other during it, though. I was too nervous to interrupt him, cuz he was always arguing vociferously with someone. And I couldn’t make out what he was saying! I just know it wasn’t me! 🙂

Hope you have a wonderful, peaceful, safe sabbatical!! xox

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