Well this is going to be interesting. No way around it. Things have to change. This year I have not been me. Maybe the last three years, but somehow for sure this year. It’s been a rough one, but with perspective, my rough year is one others would dream of having. So there’s that. I’m trying to recapture the essence of me now, though. Slowly, but surely, over the past few months it has been happening.

I’ve made lists.
I’ve checked boxes.
I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to a new year quite so much.
Just for the clean slate.

**Note: This post has a lot of the words “I” and “me” in it. Not cool. But it’s an introspective post that I’m hoping others might relate to (and find it comforting they are not alone) so I’m letting the “I’s” and “me’s” stick.

My blog has been suffering. I know that. I have NINE posts in draft. That’s sooooo not my style.

Most of the year I didn’t have the heart to write. My mind was full of grief. Or anger. Or confusion. Or a mix of the prior. My energy was depleted. I was fried out from work and not ready to see work notifications each time I opened my browser to post.

The change began last August when I talked with one of my leads and switched from general WordPress support to WooCommerce support (after my mobile support rotation ended) and joined a new team with colleagues from different continents. It was a change that is still blowing my mind.

It feels like and entirely different job, and I’m loving the challenges of it. There are soooo many extensions and unique store situations.

I mean really. I am so in awe of businesses. And I love helping shopkeepers achieve their goals. Figuring out how to pack boxes optimally with the proper shipping sizes and perfect shipping carriers and rates, tracking taxes, figuring out subscriptions and bookings (some with trials and deposits) and gift certificates…it’s like getting paid to do puzzles all day. And when conflicts arise, I get to delve into code, server, network and API issues. Fun, fun, fun (for realz — not sarcastic).

I feel rejuvenated. (Don’t judge me. We all have our things, am I right?)

So there’s the job aspect. In home life, I’m learning to settle a bit and embrace the fact that I’m no longer the nomad I thought I was. We had a Happiness Engineer meetup in Denver, and I actually opted out. With few regrets. This is so foreign to anything I have done in the past. And yet it was right for this year.

I actually started attending church in person again, and now I am connecting with more and more local friends. I’ve finally acknowledged life moving on (maybe about 7 years late, but I’m getting it).

I’m exercising pretty much daily. In fact, oddly enough, I look forward to it. I’ll blog about that post sometime (I see draft number 10 happening here…)

While my posts show that I’m aware my kids have grown, and my life is different, I think I might have been trying to persuade myself that it was okay. But maybe I should have realized that things like that involve a bit of mourning and a bit of sand-shifting and a realization that the person I was no longer exists. From the age of nine on I was a babysitter then a mother and daycare provider. Now my kids can stand on their own, and my focus is very different. That takes time to adjust to. It’s okay. But I have to acknowledge it.

So what makes me tick now? Who am I ? (not 24601)

I guess I’m still learning that. Hopefully always will. But I need to narrow down my focus. At the moment the things that are most important to me are (in no particular order):

• A mom on call. Yeah. Totally different facet from a mom of the young. Love the line I’ve heard from my friends. Pray for the wisdom to know when to listen, when to speak and when to keep my mouth shut.
• A wife who puts the phone in the other room and focuses on time together. And other things that are between Chris and me — our own goals and dreams for a life together.
• A friend who puts the phone in the other room and focuses on time together (there’s a pattern here). Even when it’s inconvenient.
• A woman who realizes that prioritizing faith enough to schedule life around it (rather than the opposite) is critical.
• Leisure? Chess, macrame, exercise and frivolous books along with the self-help/learning/serious ones
• Nature – Beyond snowboarding (did I actually just document that there can be a life outside of snowboarding? Wow. I am growing up. Actually, I might come back later and rescind that statement.) This year I was gifted with a new friend who also shares a love of mushrooms, and I’m thankful she is willing to take me on wood treks to learn more. That kind of stuff.
• A writer – need to keep this blog happening for my own sanity.

So yeah I have nine (maybe 10 now) posts in draft. Nine/ten. Some of them are just a title. Some have notes. My goal over the next while is to figure out what I was thinking and actually complete and post those drafts. I want to hit the end of the year with my ducks in a row.

Things seem hopeful.

And that’s it. How’s your life going?