Parenting Pains

low angle photography of flock of flying gulls

Everyone talks about growing pains, but what about the process of pain in parenthood? This past week was a bit of a mental struggle for me. I realized my kids don’t need me anymore. They have truly flown.

With introspect, I realize the desire to be needed is a bit strong in me. Probably not healthy. Coming to terms with this was very eye-opening. And freeing (by the end of the week).

When things go awry in existence, truths come out — for good or bad. This year has been a lot with COVID, weddings, health issues, etc.

One of the truths that came out was related to my job, which allowed me a lot of time off to help my kids. But what I’ve realized is that the kids don’t actually need me, even during this tough time. They truly have things under control enough that it would be ethically wrong for me to take the company up on the offer of time off.

We’ll definitely take some time off to visit after the baby comes home, but we don’t need weeks off to help.

All six young adults are thriving. Good, steady jobs, nice homes, great relationships, wonderful babies and pets. I’m not saying life is easy for them, but they are boldly navigating life’s ups and downs with finesse. Best of all, they help each other.

Hudi and Mollie planned their wedding beautifully.

Without help from us.

All the kids found jobs that were great fits for themselves.

Without our help.

I was hoping to help care for Avalon while the parents were in the hospital, but the siblings already had that covered. Their church helps with meals if wanted, and work gives the parents flexibility for working around dr. appts and such then they get maternity and paternity leave.

My babies grew up. From phone calls and comments, I’m pretty sure they still want us around. But the need is not there.

I have been suspecting it for some time, but it’s now bonafide. It’s time for me to accept this reality, and really, isn’t that the goal of parenting? I’m very proud of our kiddos.

11 responses to “Parenting Pains”

  1. I am totally with you! I loved the parenting years and haven’t found anything I enjoy more. But, i am so grateful to have had those years!!

  2. I have to say I think your children are exceptional. It’s amazing how they love and care for each other, they and their wives. They will always need your love. And they will always have it.

  3. Chrissie~ I agree with you 100%. My college age son was my inspiration in starting my blog My first blog was titled: Mom, I Love You but You’re Fired!

  4. You are right, their resiliency and independence is the evidence that “we’ve done something right”. My kids lean on their siblings more, which is awesome to see. It’s been a struggle for me as well to come to grips with my daughters “needing me” less. On the flip side, I’m connecting with my daughters in ways that include all the great qualities of friendship- fun, memories, joy and sharing about the hardships of life. And, every once in a while, I’m thrilled when they DO ask for my help and advice!

    • So well said! And when they needed me after all, it made it super special. 🙂

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